Bullying clients

My sister Cece Helgesen has a small business in Montpellier, France, organizing storytelling events and helping individual clients tell their stories at conferences and on social media. Last weekend in Barcelona, she visited her friend Teresa, a freelance architect and urban designer. After getting past the essentials– how are the kids, updates on common friends– they began talking about recent challenges they’d had with difficult clients. The conversation continued through the weekend.

If you work for yourself, you’ve no doubt struggled with this as well. You may have had clients who change their tune mid-project, or seem terminally uncertain about what they actually want. Clients who push back when you hand in your work: “This is not what I meant.” ( Hmm, maybe not, but it’s exactly what you asked for!). Clients who nickel and dime you, or object to the cost of your services despite having signed off on your estimate. Clients who take forever to pay, or inform you that they must wait for someone else to pay them before they can pay you. Clients who try to renegotiate the scope of the work after you’ve completed the job. Or– worst case scenario– clients don’t pay you at all.

It's remarkable how often freelancers or solo business owners end up feeling bullied by clients. And how powerless we feel in these situations. Because problem clients suck up a disproportionate amount of our energy, they diminish our ability to deliver results to our less troubled, clients. Bullying clients stir worry, anger, and fear: that we’re not being treated as professionals, that we’ll fall behind on our bills, or that we don’t have what it takes to succeed (the ruthless ability or desire to mount a counterattack). We end up ruminating and second-guessing ourselves– if only I had… I should have said…Why didn’t I…? Will I ever learn? This only compounds our misery.

And it’s no way to run a business!

Having been self-employed for over 50 years, I have a few rules aimed at forestalling such situations, which I’ve put down below. Next week I’ll continue the theme by sharing what Cece and Teresa, and a few other solo business owners, have come up with to protect themselves.

1. Always ask someone who’s worked with this client what their experience was like. If things did not go well, that doesn’t mean you have to turn the job down, but you’ll be on the lookout for troubling signs. If you don’t know anyone who’s worked with the client, it’s time to expand your network. Join a professional group or go online to find colleagues who offer similar services. Then start asking. The more connections you have, the better positioned you’ll be to gather useful intelligence. And the more intelligence you have, the better primed you’ll be to protect yourself.

2. Go with your gut. Almost every time I’ve had a bad experience, something made me uneasy before I took the job. The potential client tried too hard to flatter me. Or contracted me for a small job while making extravagant promises about the future. Or dropped too many names. Or badmouthed past service providers, telling me how relieved they were that I was not like them. Or had unreasonable policies (“we don’t pay travel expenses, but I’m sure you have a lot of airline mileage you can use”). Maybe the client wanted me to start work immediately, before we even had a signed agreement, suggesting a last-minute way of operating.

3. Send a letter of agreement setting out the details of your understanding– even if the client plans to provide a contract. Include any specifics you believe are important, to your livelihood or your peace of mind. Freelancers often try to keep agreements vague or super short because they fear being perceived as a nitpicker, inflexible, or demanding. But that sort of avoidance can lead to problems down the line. You want your letter to be clear and comprehensive, but also concise. It’s a good idea to send the client a draft of your suggested agreement, asking for their thoughts or input before you send the finished product.

4. If the client sends you a contract instead of simply using the letter of agreement, read every word of it, no matter how long or dull or confusing it seems. If you don’t know what a term means, look it up, or ask the client to clarify. And do not hesitate to request changes. Many client contracts are boilerplate, meant to cover everything from major contractors like McKinsey to self-employed shops of one. I routinely receive contracts specifying that I must sign away my intellectual property in exchange for delivering a half-day program drawing from one of my books, or take out an extra $5 million of insurance before I do a coaching session online. Not happening. So ask for revisions as many times as you feel is necessary to get a contract you can live with.

5.Keep your fees transparent and consistent. Provide a pricing sheet as soon as a potential client makes an inquiry. If you’re willing to negotiate, simply say you have some flexibility and leave it at that. If you’re not, say your prices are set. Back in the days when I was often short of work, I usually got around to mentioning my pricing last, as if it were of negligible importance and earning a living was the last thing on my mind. Or I would lamely ask, “What do you pay?” This approach signals a lack of confidence, and almost invites those hiring you to take advantage. If you’re not willing to about the value you provide, why should your prospective client be? The clearer and more upfront you are about pricing, the more you’ll be viewed as a professional..

These practices can give you firm ground to stand on and diminish the chances you’ll find yourself in a mess. But they don’t guarantee that you won’t encounter a client with a bullying attitude. When that happens, you’ll need some ready pushback phrases and policies to counter unreasonable requests. Next week, I’ll offer some useful tips on these.

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